By Brenda Waugh

January marks International Child-Centered Divorce Awareness Month, shedding light on an approach that prioritizes the well being of children during the divorce process. The concept of a child-centered approach to divorce draws inspiration from the educational philosophies of Rousseau, Dewey, Montessori, Isaacs, Piaget, and Erikson. In education, being child-centered means recognizing and addressing a child’s unique needs and interests, prioritizing experiential and discovery-based learning over a rigid curriculum. 

A child-centered approach to divorce emphasizes the importance of considering children’s personal, social, physical, and learning needs as central elements in the divorce process. Of course, being child-centered is being family-centered. Ideally, everything from the division of property and debts to creating a parenting plan focuses on the well-being of the family structure that consequently promotes the children’s 
best interests.

Families work hard to create a parenting plan that helps both parents and children to thrive concurrent with maintaining a vigilant watch on the children’s interests and needs.

A few practice steps to create a child-centered divorce

Stay out of court from the outset: By avoiding litigation, parents retain control over the timing of their divorce. Creating a plan before filing with the courts allows for a more personalized and child-focused approach.

Stay out of court even when you disagree: If, for some reason you are already in court and there is a genuine conflict between the parents’ opinions regarding the best outcome for a child, you can still avoid a litigated child custody case. Create opportunities to avoid pitting the parents against one another and employ a mediator to facilitate discussion. Work with a child specialist, such as those available in collaborative divorce, to help understand each child’s developmental and special needs.

Focus on recovery, not revenge: Some parents may have suffered disappointment, harm, and even trauma in the breakup of the marriage. But it is possible to shift your focus from revenge to recovery. Instead of destroying the family structure, try to concentrate on addressing harm that may have occurred in the period leading to divorce in a healthy manner. Work to keep your focus on the long-term impact on 
the children.

Emphasize Relationships: Prioritize relationships within the family, fostering connections between children, parents, and the extended community of family and friends. Acknowledge the challenges openly, as children may internalize 
the situation.

Choose the Right Process and Professionals: Litigation is the most expensive, time consuming and destructive process to use in divorcing. Hiring a lawyer, filing for divorce, and working towards a trial should be a last resort. Mediation and collaborative divorce processes benefit the children by improving relationships between parents and are also more cost-effective and supportive of parents’ mental well-being than litigation. When parents can’t find a way to agree on a decision about custodial time, education, or other issues, a child specialist can provide efficient and well-
informed advice. 

Understanding children’s reactions to divorce: insights from experts

My expertise is in this area is as a mediator and collaborative lawyer. In the course of my work, I’ve learned about the emotional needs of 
children when their 
parents divorce. Children’s psychological reactions to divorce vary, influenced by their pre-divorce relationship with each parent, the intensity of parental conflict, and the parents’ ability to focus on the children’s needs. Children react differently, some tending to externalize their distress through behavioral issues, and others internalize their emotions. Parents must remain attuned to their children’s reactions. The key is for the parents to maintain open communication about their children and seek help through counselors or consultants when needed. Most of the research I’ve reviewed indicates that children of divorce can thrive, but are adversely impacted when they are part of a “custody battle.”

As we navigate the complexities of divorce, let us strive for a child-centered or family-centered approach that promotes the holistic well-being of all involved. While January has been established as a month to promote awareness of child-centered divorce, I hope we can all consider our shared values, such as respect for one another, treasuring our relationships with our families and extended families, and working in ways to improve our participation and appreciation of the processes when we work through conflict in divorce — as well as legal conflicts.

Brenda Waugh is a lawyer/mediator with Waugh Law & Mediation, serving clients in the Blue Ridge region of Virginia and Eastern Panhandle of 
West Virginia.

By Rebecca Maynard

We’ve all heard the phrase “buy local,” and Ruth Almeter of Big Whiskey Cattle Co. in White Post is truly passionate about 
its importance.

Almeter, who owns the Big Whiskey Cattle Co. ranch with her husband, Paul, and seven children, said that choosing to buy even one item from a local farm rather than a supermarket makes a difference.

“The rate at which small family owned farms are disappearing is staggering,” she said. “Supporting local agriculture supports the community, and without that support, farms won’t continue to go.”

Almeter and her husband both grew up on dairy farms and met at a country western bar in Alexandria. 

“I knew I wanted the country life,” Almeter said. “I love the different seasons and the rhythms, like the fall 
calving season.”

“We work hard to raise a quality product from start to finish,” she said. “That begins with great genetics in our herd for things like steak size and marbling, as well as ease of calving and birth weight and size. We graze our cows on our pastures their whole life, creating stress free days for them. In addition to pasture grass, we finish our beef with oats and barley for an extended finish time of 180 days on free choice 
finish feed. 

“We also dry-age the whole carcass 28 days, longer than the industry standard, giving premium flavor and tenderness to every cut. Everyone knows the saying ‘What you put in is what you get out.’ It couldn’t be truer for our beef. We put in extra time, energy, and attention into our herd, and in return we get better tasting beef to offer 
our customers.”

Almeter says beef that is dry-aged has additional off the charts flavor and tenderness. It requires extra time, commitment, and cost, but it is worth it in the end when you slice a steak like butter or bite into a burger packed with flavor. “It locks in the flavor, even ground beef,” Almeter said, explaining that her family loves burgers seasoned with nothing but salt, because the beef has so much of its own flavor.

Not all protein is the same, she explained. Beef benefits from aging after slaughter to promote tenderness and intensify flavor. Most of the beef in the United States today is rushed from slaughter, prepped for transport, delivered to grocery stores and butchered into cuts.

Big Whiskey Cattle Co. delivers locally once a month, with September 6 as the next delivery date. Orders can also be picked up at the ranch anytime, and pricing information can be found at www.bigwhiskeybeef.com.

“We put a lot of love and work into those animals,” Almeter said. “I did not expect to love it as much as I do.”